


KJ Meets Logan's Psychiatrist

by alley_oops, jennandanica



Series: Citadel: Logan Marshall-Green and KJ Apa [34]
Category: Actor RPF, Citadel (Journalfen RPG), New Zealand Actor RPF, Riverdale (TV 2017) RPF
Genre: BDSM, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-18 12:28:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21760906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alley_oops/pseuds/alley_oops, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennandanica/pseuds/jennandanica
Summary: Logan (AU) is ex-military, ex-mercenary, mostly retired, and occasionally works for AU Tommy Flanagan who sponsored him into Citadel. He's also good friends with AU Antony Starr and Stephen Amell*. He has family money as well as his own. He struggles with PTSD. He was involved with AU Rafael Lazzini but that relationship ended roughly 10 months ago. Their storyline can be foundhere.Citadel knows Logan's past occupation(s) and current connections and they couldn't care less as long as he's not involving the organization directly in anything illegal.KJ (AU) is busy traveling the world while he tries to figure out what he wants to do with the rest of his life after having made a huge sum of money from an app he developed. He's been aged up to 31.*their storyline is posted under my name
Relationships: KJ Apa/Logan Marshall-Green
Series: Citadel: Logan Marshall-Green and KJ Apa [34]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1099647
Kudos: 1





	KJ Meets Logan's Psychiatrist

**Author's Note:**

> This is a re-posting (archiving) of all logs for the Logan Marshall-Green/KJ Apa storyline in the BDSM RPS RPG [Citadel](http://citadel.dreamwidth.org/read).

Logan's shrink operates out of a home office not too far from the canals. It's walking distance but he's feeling unaccountably nervous now that the actual time's come for KJ to meet Dr. Telfer so they drive, Logan pulling in and parking at the back of the house a few minutes before his appointment. "Make sure you let me know if this gets to be too much," he says, keys in hand, turning towards KJ in the front seat. "You don't have to be involved in this part of things."

KJ leans in to press their foreheads together. "Hey," he says softly, linking their fingers. "You don't scare me. Got it?" He kisses Logan's knuckles.

"Yeah." Logan smiles and gives KJ a kiss. "I love you." Glancing at his watch. "We'd better get in there." Outside the house, he presses a doorbell to let the doc know they're there and then waits for the buzz of the door before entering into the waiting room. It's quiet, comfortable, decorated in muted tones, a couch along one wall, TV and bookcase on the other, obviously a wide hall in its former incarnation.

KJ's instinct is to wander, to check out the titles on all the books and look at everything. But he doesn't want to make Logan anxious with his pacing, so he forces himself to sit down, taking his lover's hand again. It's become such a natural movement that he doesn't even think about it.

It's another minute or two before Logan's shrink opens the door at the other end of the waiting room. "Logan," she says with a smile. "It's good to see you again. This must be KJ." She holds out her hand. "It's really nice to meet you."

"Hi. Dr. Telfer," KJ greets her, shaking her hand. Her navy and white sundress sets off her dark-haired good looks to perfection, and he wonders absently whether Logan ever finds that distracting. "It's nice to meet you too. Thanks for letting me sit in today."

"We always encourage families and partners to be involved if they're interested," Amy says with a smile, privately thinking Logan's got very good taste. "It can make a huge difference." She leans back against the door, gesturing into her office. "Please have a seat."

KJ follows Logan through a large office to a sunny room overlooking a garden, and they take their seats on a couch which proves even comfier than it looks. He hasn't let go of Logan's hand yet... but then, neither has Logan let go of his, so he figures they're doing okay. He wouldn't in a million years admit to being nervous.

"So... how was Iceland?" Amy asks. "Any issues?" The question directed at Logan.

"Iceland was amazing. We had a really good time," Logan says, glancing at KJ, checking in. "I forgot to take my meds one of the nights and I had a panic attack when I realized but KJ talked, well, actually sang me down."

"He did great," KJ confirms, unsure what he's supposed to say. But wanting to support his lover however he can. "And he-- _we_ didn't forget again."

"It's not your responsibility to make sure I don't forget," Logan says softly.

"No," Amy quickly interjects, "but if KJ feels like he's part of your treatment, which includes helping you remember to take your medications and keep on top of how you're feeling, that can only be a good thing, right?"

Logan nods, giving KJ's hand a squeeze. "I'm just used to taking care of myself."

"I know you are," Amy responds, giving KJ a smile, keeping him included in the conversation. "But you're also used to being part of a team, a mission, and in this case, your team is KJ and your mission is to make sure you don't end up back in the hospital, that you keep moving forward in your recovery."

KJ decides he likes that analogy. Maybe it makes sense to Logan in those terms, and if so then he supports it. He smiles faintly at his lover in encouragement.

"Okay," Logan allows, blowing out a breath. "What _we_ really need help with now is this sailing trip we're doing."

"The three to four month one?" Amy asks, impressed Logan's found someone who loves to travel as much as he does.

Logan nods. "I've been taking my heavier meds because we've been sleeping together instead of KJ sleeping in the guestroom but they're really hard on my system."

"Well, we can try something else," Amy offers, although Logan's reacted badly to a number of medications and they wouldn't be able to make adjustments during his trip. "Or you could try taking a half dose of what you're on for the next few weeks and see how that works." She looks to KJ. "Do you feel safe with Logan? Are you concerned about him becoming violent?"

KJ squeezes his lover's hand. "I feel very safe with Logan," he replies. "I also believe that he's dangerous. I'm trying to be respectful of that, and not put him in any difficult situations."

Amy smiles. "I'm glad to hear that. Not that Logan's dangerous but that you have a good grasp of the situation and our concerns." She turns to Logan again. "Let's do the half dose for the next week and you can let me know how you're doing and we'll bring you back in and try something else if it's not working. On the half dose he still shouldn't be up," she explains to KJ, "but he'll be less groggy and have fewer side effects."

"Okay. Are you all right with that?" KJ asks, searching Logan's eyes. "Do you feel comfortable with a smaller dose?"

"I think I feel better trying that than some entirely new medication," Logan responds, giving KJ's hand a squeeze. "But I'm still worried about if it doesn't work."

Amy sits back, weighing the pros and cons of what she's about to suggest. "Is there any way you can make sure KJ would be able to defend himself in the worst case scenario?" Leery of actually suggesting an outright solution.

"I could give you a stun gun," Logan suggests. "You could keep it under your pillow or on the nightstand. It wouldn't actually hurt me but it would give you enough time to get away or call for help."

KJ stares at him, shocked. "Okay, we'll come back to the thing about how it doesn't hurt," he decides. There's just so much to focus on at once. "You don't think you'd see me as even more of a threat if I pulled a weapon on you?"

"I wouldn't actually be aware of it," Logan says. "If I attacked you, it wouldn't be you I'd be seeing but whatever was in my head, my captors, and the stun gun would shock me enough to give you that time you need to get away or it might even snap me out of the episode." He exhales softly, realizing he's asking too much of KJ. "Look. Maybe it would better if we sleep apart for a week or so while I go to the half dose. If I don't have any episodes, then we're good and we can go back to sleeping together."

His heart lurches at that, and KJ looks away even as his grip tightens on Logan's hand. He doesn't want them to sleep apart. But then, maybe he's overreacting and letting his wants get in the way of their needs. "Okay," he says softly. "We should try that."

Logan squeezes back, hating the thought, but he knows it's the best option.

"I think that sounds like a good idea," Amy agrees, feeling for them both. "If you're fine on the half dose for a week, you should be fine for the time you're away, and when you get back we can explore other options. Hopefully wean you off completely at some point."

Logan gives a soft snort. "How would we do that?"

"The same way we're doing this," Amy points out. "Sleep apart while you go without meds for a week and see if you have any episodes. You'll have to find some option as a backup of course, maybe that's something some of your friends in security could help you with?" she suggests, wary of giving too much away in front of KJ since she doesn't know just how much detail Logan's given him.

KJ's eyes light up. "That would be amazing," he murmurs, giving his lover a shy smile. He looks at Amy. "He will still be able to sleep, right?"

"He should," Amy nods. "But we can always resort to a very light sleeping pill if he has trouble with that but no episodes." She smiles at them both. "I think you're making great progress, Logan. You seem happy, healthy, you've been travelling, you've actually retired which gets rid of the last of your stressors... I don't see why we won't be able to wean you off most of your meds at some point but it may take a while and it's not the end of the world if you still need to take something long-term." She pauses, "And I'm very glad to see you in a loving, supportive relationship. Having real support is key to recovery."

That fetches another smile from KJ. He's pleased by the praise, sure, but more than that he's pleased to know that it's true. "Will you be able to check in by phone if you need to, while we're gone?" he asks his lover.

Logan looks at Amy.

"I'll give you my private number," she says with a smile, slipping a card from her pocket and writing it down. "Not very many people get this but I trust you not to abuse it." She passes the card to Logan.

Logan's a little stunned. He knows how closely Dr. Telfer guards her personal life from her patients. He nods, throat a little tighter when he says, "Thanks. I won't call unless it's absolutely necessary."

"You too, KJ," Amy says, writing up another card. "If you're concerned about Logan but he won't call, I want you to." Handing it over to KJ.

"Okay." Privately KJ can't imagine calling her behind Logan's back -- it would feel like a betrayal. But he's grateful for the gesture. "Thank you."

"Anything else?" Amy gives a brief glance at her notes, confirming once more that KJ's not a member of Citadel although he _is_ Logan's boy. "KJ, do you have any questions or concerns? Logan's given me permission to talk about anything you'd like and as I'm sure he's told you, I'm kink-friendly, just in case there's anything you want to discuss that way."

"Oh. Um." The question catches KJ completely off guard, and he looks at Logan in panic for an instant before turning back to Amy. "No, I don't have any questions." Yeah, he's got about a million questions. "Or, I mean." He swallows. "I'll ask Logan."

"Okay. Logan?" She gives them another smile.

"I'm good," Logan says, smiling back. "I'm glad you could fit us in."

"It's a huge undertaking," Amy says, rising to her feet. "A trip like this and meeting KJ's family at the end of it. Don't hesitate to call if you need me. Or email if it's less urgent."

KJ smiles. Dr. Telfer seems like she really knows her stuff, and it's obvious she cares about Logan's well-being. KJ approves. "Thank you," he says, reaching to shake her hand again.

Amy shakes back. "My pleasure," she says. "And I look forward to hearing all about your trip when you get back." She shakes Logan's hand as well. "I'll see you for a quick follow-up same time next week and I'll give you scripts to get you through your trip if we don't have to change anything."

"Thanks." Logan nods his appreciation.

"I don't have anyone booked for another hour so you can go out the same way you came in," she says, opening the door. "Take care."

Blowing out a breath when they get to the car, KJ sits back in the passenger seat. "I'm sweating," he says with a little laugh. "I think I need a drink once we're done at the pharmacy."

"Did she make you nervous?" Logan asks, not starting the car just yet.

"Nah, she was nice. I make myself nervous," KJ confesses. "I didn't want to mess up."

Logan smiles at that. "You were wonderful," he says, leaning across the front seat to kiss him. "Thank you for coming with me."

KJ melts a little at the kiss. "Yeah, well. I'm desperately in love with you, so..." He shrugs like it's no big thing.

Logan grins like a fool. He can't help it. "Good thing since I'm head over heels in return," he says with another kiss. "Let's grab my meds and go for that drink."

* * *

"I've never had Pakistani Chinese food before," KJ says, forcing himself to set his fork down for a second, "but this is delicious." They're at another one of Logan's unassuming cafes, that looks like a hole in the wall but where the food is divine.

Logan grins across the table. "I've yet to meet a type of Chinese food I don't like," he says. "Szechuan's my favourite but Hakka and this are a close second."

"I'm a Kiwi, haka means something completely different to me," KJ laughs, and takes a pull off his beer.

Logan laughs. "That's true," he says then glances around. The patio's somewhat busy but no one's seated beside them and he decides they can talk without anyone overhearing. "Earlier, when Dr. Telfer said she was kink-friendly and asked if you had any questions, you said no but it looked like you did. Were you okay with her knowing about us? Was there something you wanted to ask?"

"I'm okay with it," KJ answers, matching his hushed tone. "I was just surprised. I didn't realize... I mean, I should have realized, after other things you said. But I wasn't ready to ask her anything just yet."

"What about me? Is there anything you want to ask me?" Logan asks with a smile. Wanting to tell KJ about Citadel but nervous about how he'll take it.

"Yeah, about a million things," KJ says, flushing and smiling down at his plate. "Whether I'm _ready_ to ask you, that's something totally different."

"Okay, well, ask me one thing," Logan urges, gesturing to their waiter for another round of beers. They can walk them off after, before they drive home. "I'm an open book when it comes to you."

KJ stares at the remains of his chicken for a moment longer. When he speaks, his voice is soft, his gaze unsure as he lifts his eyes to his lover. "Do you want to mark me, permanently?"

"That's a good question," Logan says, thinking it through for a moment, unsure whether to trust his gut instinct. "I hadn't really given it much thought yet," he admits. "But yeah, I like the idea of you having a tattoo I choose or something along those lines eventually."

"But you hadn't really thought about it." KJ nods. "That's what I needed to know." He finishes his beer and scrubs at the condensation on the bottle with his thumb.

"Does that disappoint you?" Logan asks, trying to gauge KJ's reaction.

"...No," KJ says, trying to figure it out for himself. "It's just that I had thought about it, so I wondered if you had. That's all." He smiles at his lover.

"I'm slow to think about stuff like that," Logan points out. "We're still new, we're just finding our way as Sir and boy, and we're about take a months-long trip in close quarters. There are a _million_ things I'd love to do and try with you and yes, given the opportunity, I'd love to mark you, both temporarily and permanently, but I'm just getting used to having my libido return to more normal levels." He grins, adding, "Which is something I really appreciate."

"I have no complaints about your libido," KJ murmurs, his smile turning crooked. "Should I be grateful? Because I am."

Logan's grin widens. "It's me who should be grateful. It's all down to you," he says.

KJ laughs. "I'm happy to help, truly. I'll throw myself on that sword anytime." He snickers.

Logan laughs too. The waiter brings their second round of drinks and he quiets a little, dragging his finger through the condensation on his glass. "I keep trying to find a way to bring this up but I think I just need to tell you," he says, quickly adding, "It's nothing bad, nothing about us. But what would you say if I told you there was an insanely private international members-only kinky sex club and that I belong to it?"

"I'd say that sounds like the beginning of a movie," KJ replies after a beat. "What do kinky sex clubs do?"

"Well, this one does a lot of things: mostly it provides a safe haven for people to meet up with like-minded people, especially celebrities and anyone in the public eye or with the kind of job where they can't afford to be outed, but it also provides professionals to scene with, classes, restaurants where you just eat or sit in a section where you can play or watch others play, bars, gyms, all sorts of things." Logan pauses for a second before adding, "They also provide references to kink-friendly professionals like lawyers, doctors, shrinks..."

KJ blinks, absorbing that. "Dr. Telfer?" he asks, his voice pitched low. His mind is starting to spin.

Logan nods. "I don't know if she's actually kinky or not, but she's affiliated with them," he says, his voice just as low. "Tommy's a member and he sponsored me in after my captivity, once I was out of the hospital and after I'd spent time recovering on his estate. He wanted me to have somewhere to go that was quiet, where I could meet people who weren't in our line of work, and where I could see someone who wouldn't blink at an eye at my past or my orientation."

"And did you? Meet people, I mean." KJ is scared to ask, but at the same time he has to.

"I met Rafael there," Logan nods. "Tommy showed me around one of the London clubs, and then I went to one of the ones here to check it out, get a quiet drink, and he hit on me almost right away."

 _Fuuuck_. It's exactly what KJ was afraid of: confirmation that Rafael was already in on this secret, with a level of experience and knowledge of all things kinky that KJ couldn't hope to match. He nods, desperately uncertain.

"He's really the only person I've played with there," Logan goes on. "He was a switch so he occasionally indulged his dom side with a boy from there while I watched but I wasn't interested in playing with anyone else and I wasn't interested after we broke up either. But I'd like to go with you, show you around if you're interested," he says, adding quickly, before KJ gets the wrong idea, "Although I'm still not interested in playing with anyone else, as weird as that might sound given all the other kinky shit I'm into."

"So... why go? If you're not looking for someone else, I mean," KJ murmurs, his nerves suddenly stretched taut.

"Because it's fun. Because I'd love to show you off," Logan says with a smile. "They have branches all over the world, places we can be together, feel safe, even when the rest of the country isn't like that. Resorts, hotels, they provide a lot of services that are nice to have. And they have a ton of toys we can play with, in nice private rooms, if we don't want to play in front of people." He grins.

"That bit sounds nice," KJ agrees. "But, show me off?" He flushes. "As what, the biggest noob in the place?"

"Are you kidding?" Logan looks stunned. "You are so fucking hot. I'd be the envy of just about everyone. And there's no judgement going on there. Not the way you're talking about. There are so many people who are new to the scene, or just watch, or are there because they're gay, not kinky, or whatever. Not judging is one of the biggest rules of the place. There's a few more but mostly safety stuff."

Still, KJ hesitates. "You're sure? It won't be like one of those meat market play parties, where they practically dissect the new people?" Not that he's ever had an unpleasant experience or two.

"No, it won't, I promise. In fact," Logan checks his watch, "we could head over after lunch and I could give you a quick tour. If you like the look of the place, we'll go back another time, if you don't, we can leave it."

KJ sighs. "You make things sound so _reasonable_ ," he complains, a grin tugging at his lips. He takes a swallow of his fresh beer -- and steels his courage. "Okay."

"It'll be nice and quiet this afternoon," Logan promises, grinning back. "It'll be like dipping your toes in."

"Mm-hmm." KJ is still skeptical but smiling openly now. "Wait, you said they have a gym? I haven't been inside a real gym in weeks."

"State of the art gym," Logan nods, eyes sparkling. "Everything you could want from basic weights to machines to a whole parkour training space."

"All right, sold," KJ agrees, despite his lingering nerves. He'll put his trust in Logan above all else, as he has before. "They'll let you bring a guest?"

Logan nods, swallowing a mouthful of food before he answers. "You'll have to sign an NDA and I have to sign something saying I'm responsible for your behaviour on the premises but yeah, they allow guests."

"And... we can touch each other there? Even kiss, without rude comments? Will other people be out like that, too?" It sounds intriguing, the more KJ thinks about it.

"Yup. We can do whatever we want pretty much and no one will blink an eye, although they might stop to watch depending on where we're doing it," he adds with a grin.

"Um. Should I take it by your smile that you're okay with being watched?" KJ asks with a matching grin, curious about this side of his lover.

"With you, yes," Logan says with a smile. "I'm not a huge exhibitionist though. I much prefer watching."

"Yeah?" Now KJ's interest is really engaged -- he loves knowing more about what turns Logan on. "Watching anything, or particularly what you like to play with, or...?"

"I wouldn't say just anything but it doesn't have to be something I'm hugely into if the participants are hot or the... vibe, I guess, is right." Logan grins, putting a bit more noodles onto his plate and offering KJ the rest. "What about you? Do you like to watch or be watched?"

KJ munches thoughtfully for a moment. "I don't know," he says at last. "I've been watched. I was okay with it, mostly, but at the same time it kind of made my skin crawl. One of those things that could go either way, I guess. I get a little embarrassed watching other people, but it's arousing too."

"I think everyone gets a little embarrassed at first," Logan says. "And the clubs all have private rooms if it's really not your thing."

KJ nods, sitting back with the last of his beer. "So it's a really fancy kinky hotel?" He's trying to picture such a thing. Keeps thinking of when they went to Byzantium, the swanky boutique full of whips and gags and dildos, oh my.

"More like a one stop kink extravaganza." Logan laughs. "You'll see," he promises. "Have you had enough?" he asks, indicating the mostly empty dishes in front of them.

"Yeah, I'm good," KJ nods. He glances around out of habit before leaning in and kissing Logan over the table.

The kiss has Logan grinning like a fool again. "I love you," he says, unable to stop smiling.

* * *

They drive through the scenic neighborhood of Rustic Canyon, and KJ keeps waiting for Logan to get back on the highway that'll take them downtown. He's shocked when they pull up to a gatehouse at the end of a long driveway, a sprawling mansion just visible in the distance by the sea. "This is it?" he asks, pulling out his wallet for the gate guard when the man looks them over and politely requests ID.

"Yeah, this is the Mansion," Logan explains, handing over his membership card and KJ's ID. "There's a Club downtown as well, but I'm partial to this place."

KJ's eyes are wide as they proceed. It's definitely a mansion, a huge sprawling estate in a classic turn-of-the-century style. Logan pulls right up to the covered portico and a valet steps forward to open KJ's door. It's nothing like he was expecting, and if he weren't so awed by his surroundings, he might be a little disappointed.

"Thanks," Logan says, flashing a smile at the valet and handing over his keys. He takes KJ's hand and leads him up to the front doors, showing his ID again to the doorman before they step into the foyer.

The thick oak doors swing shut behind them, and KJ leans into Logan just a little. The interior is lush, quiet and cool. A startlingly pretty young woman in a tailored suit approaches them, her stiletto heels clicking on the floor. "Mr. Marshall-Green, it's lovely to see you again. And you've brought us a guest today?"

Logan nods. "This is my partner, my boy, KJ Apa," he explains. "I'd like to show him around and possibly sponsor him for membership if he's interested."

"Wonderful. I'm Sienna Dolvane, with the legal department. If you'll just follow me this way," she invites with a blinding smile.

KJ is still trying to adjust to being introduced as Logan's boy when the impact of that smile hits him, and he just gives up attempting to equivocate any of this. He's clearly destined to be off balance.

She leads them to a plush office with a view over the front grounds. "For today, we have a standard nondisclosure agreement for you to sign. And while you're on the grounds, he'll be your responsibility," she says, putting documents in front of both of them. KJ nods and picks up a pen.

"Of course," Logan nods, signing his own set of papers. "Is there anywhere off-limits?"

"No," Sienna shakes her head. "You have full access to all facilities as usual and any charges incurred by Mr. Apa will go on your account."

"That's fine," Logan says, looking over to see KJ reading through the club rules. "Any questions?"

"No, I'm-- no," KJ shakes his head. The rules look pretty standard, and familiar as such, but words like "dungeon" and "stables" seem to leap out at him. "I'm okay."

"Then sign and I'll give you the tour," Logan says with a smile.

The look KJ shoots him from beneath his eyelashes might just be classified as exasperated, but he finishes up the documents and grins. "All right, I'm all yours." He loves that.

"Is that it?" Logan asks Sienna, rising to his feet, KJ's hand clasped in his again.

She smiles that blinding white smile again and nods. "That's it. Enjoy your day. You can come back and see me at the end of your tour or you can contact head office if Mr. Apa decides to go forward with a membership application."

"Membership application?" KJ murmurs to his lover as they leave the office. "You mean there's even more than that?" He gestures back, indicating the thin stack of papers he just completed.

"Way more," Logan says with a laugh. "Think adopting a whole orphanage of children." He grins, leading them back downstairs to start their tour. "But don't worry, I'll help you with it."

"I'm going to need help?" KJ asks dubiously, but then all traces of the conversation are wiped from his mind when a uniformed man pulls open a set of double doors for them, and Logan leads him into... KJ isn't even sure what. The soaring ceiling and frescoes on the walls suggest a Mediterranean grotto, the tables and china could be from any fancy dining room, but the naked people on their knees... "Oh, my god." He doesn't even realize he's stopped walking.

"This is the restaurant, the clothing optional section," Logan says, pulling KJ in close to his side. "The first set of doors we passed were for the main, clothing on, section."

The hostess comes towards them with a smile. "Two for lunch?" she asks, menus in hand.

"Do you want to have a drink and dessert here or wait for the bar?" Logan asks KJ.

"Think I just need a drink," KJ answers hoarsely, staring around. Abruptly it occurs to him that he must look like the country mouse shyly creeping into the city for the first time, and he drops his gaze.

"It's his first time here," Logan explains to the hostess. "I think we'll just go down to the bar."

"Of course," she says. "Have fun!"

KJ follows Logan back out the doors and down the hall. The large open space they slip into reveals itself to be a dance floor, which Logan leads right past to the bar. KJ gratefully slides onto a stool and orders a scotch, trying to ignore the mostly-clothed couple noisily making out just a few feet away.

"Most people have the same reaction their first time," Logan says softly. "It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Mm-hmm. Did you?" KJ asks, sadly suspicious.

"Yes and no," Logan admits. "I was stunned to find all this stuff under one roof and in such an elegant package and I was also so fucking drugged at the time that I think my reactions were still pretty muted. I wasn't exactly getting off on anything I was seeing at that point."

"You were on more stuff than you're on now?" KJ asks quietly, surprised. He takes his drink with a nod for the scantily-dressed barman. "That's amazing, the progress you've made."

Logan ducks his head a fraction at that. "Thanks. Yeah. After they rescued me, I spent a month in the hospital, then a couple more months holed up on Tommy's estate in Scotland. Trina, his wife, set me up with some friend of hers while I was there and we had what I thought was pretty vanilla sex but he told her I was too rough." He pauses, shrugging lightly. "That's when Tommy sponsored me in here."

KJ narrows his eyes. "Sorry, what was that phrase you used?" he teases, trying to bring a smile back to his lover's face. "'Too rough'? Nah, don't know the meaning of it."

Logan laughs and leans in, kissing KJ on the mouth. "I love you," he says. "And I'll love you regardless of how you react here and whether you want to join or not."

"Thank you," KJ whispers, "I needed to hear that." Definitely doesn't need to feel like this is some kind of test. A woman behind him moans and he shifts uncomfortably. "Can we check out the gym next?"

"Of course," Logan says, draining his glass and taking KJ's hand again. They slip from the stools and he leads his lover out of the bar and down the hall to the gym overlooking the grounds and the massive pool beside it.

Gradually KJ relaxes. Logan was right that their joined hands don't even rate a second glance here, and it feels good to let some of the tension flow from his frame and simply be. The gym is huge and airy, with a couple of stereotypical musclebound types, along with a young man running on a treadmill while a woman watches him. KJ gasps dramatically and slings an arm around an unoccupied weight machine. "TRX, how I've missed you!"

Logan laughs. "The club downtown is closer to us and its gym is just as big, well-equipped," he says with a smile, watching KJ. "You can rent a locker, keep your things there, they provide laundry service so you don't have to keep lugging them back and forth."

"Yeah? That's cool." KJ runs his hand over the bench press bar, glancing around to see who's actually working out. "Could you do, like, a roleplay scene in here?" he asks shyly.

Logan nods. "What were you thinking?" he asks with a smile. "Hook up, sex in the locker room? Personal trainer?"

"Ooh, personal trainer! I like that idea." KJ grins and steps closer. "I like you when you're sweaty."

Fuck. Logan's such a sucker for that grin. "Yeah? Is that something you want to do now, or come back another day?" he asks, wanting to be sure before they get too far into anything. "We can borrow workout clothes from here."

"Can we?" KJ looks around again. "Is it okay, with me not a member?" He reaches out and trails his fingers over Logan's belly, hard abs beneath his shirt. "Let's do it."

Logan grabs KJ's hand and leads him over to the front desk where they get clothes, towels and locker keys from the guy on duty. Logan signs for everything and they head for the locker room to get changed. "Any parameters you want to set?" he asks, opening a free locker.

"Don't hurt me," KJ answers with a little smile. He winks. "Much."

Logan grins. He strips down and changes into the clothes provided: shorts and a tank. "What about how busy we get out there?"

KJ changes into the shorts but leaves off the t-shirt -- he plans to get sweaty anyway. "Um... is it okay if I'm not sure yet?" he asks quietly. "Like, can we decide that as we go?"

"Of course," Logan says. "And you can use your safeword if you need to," he points out, slipping a packet of lube and a condom into his pocket just in case. "Why don't you go wait by the front desk. I'll be there in a minute."

"Sure." KJ gives him a last happy grin before making his way out of the locker room. If they do have sex, it'll feel weird to use a rubber again, but he recalls that stipulation from the long list of rules Sierra gave him. At the desk, he bounces lightly on his heels, excited and impatient.

Logan takes a few minutes to get in the mindset of a personal trainer before heading out to the front desk. There's only one guy standing there so he guesses this must be his new client. "Are you KJ?"

"Yeah, hi." KJ looks up and offers his hand. The guy is different than he thought he'd be -- he thought the trainer would be bigger, somehow -- but very good-looking. And KJ vows right then to ignore that fact for the next hour.

"Hi, I'm Logan," he says, shaking the guy's hand, stunned by that smile but determined not to show it. "What can I do for you?"

"I want to switch up my lifting routine, get some more variety in it," KJ bluffs. "They told me you're the man to see."

Logan nods. "What are you doing now?" he asks, starting to move them towards the machines.

"Benching, free weights... I usually go pretty hard on arms. Some boxing. A lot of cardio," KJ answers. He's been neglecting his routine this past month.

"What about legs?" Logan says, feeling safe to take a good look. "It doesn't look like been ignoring them but you said you go harder on arms?"

"Yeah, typically. Maybe I need to be better balanced, I don't know," KJ says with a glance down his body. He's always kind of been self-conscious about how skinny his thighs are.

"How many days a week do you want to work out?" Logan asks. "Are you looking to seriously build muscle or are you fairly happy where you are?"

The question gives KJ pause. "I'm happy where I am," he says with another self-conscious peek at his body. "Aren't I?" _Oh shit_. Already he's starting to feel inferior.

"I think you look great," Logan says, trying to keep it sounding professional. "You're well-proportioned, well-defined... whatever you've been doing, it's working for you - which doesn't mean you can't use a change, we all can. Our bodies get used to what we're doing and our muscles don't react the same way if we don't challenge them."

"Exactly. That's exactly why I'm here," KJ agrees. God, Logan is cute. He stiffens, sharply reminding himself to stop thinking that way.

Logan's radar is pinging hard but KJ's a client and he can't take the risk. Not unless he knows for sure. "Okay. So, three, four workouts a week or do you prefer to work out most days?" If it's the latter, he'll have to alternate the harder stuff, make room for his muscles to recover without actual rest breaks.

"Just three or four days in the gym, and I'll save the other days for intense cardio outside," KJ answers. "I love to surf. Run... the canyon is great for that here."

"Yeah, it is. Do you climb?" Logan asks, kicking himself the moment the question's out of his mouth.

"I haven't in a while, actually, I don't know why I haven't managed it yet," KJ says with a soft laugh for himself. "Do you have a climbing wall here?"

"We do. It's actually on the other side of the pool, beside the parkour course," Logan says, that smile getting to him again. "Um, so let's work on getting you a whole body workout you can do three, four days a week, and I'll give you some suggestions for changing it up as well as you get bored."

"Great." KJ grins and follows him onto the weight floor. The place isn't packed at this off hour, for which he's glad. He doesn't come to the gym looking to show off, and he prefers not to feel like a piece of meat on display at the market.

"Okay, so bear with me if I'm telling you stuff you already know," Logan says. "I don't want to assume anything so I'm just going to go over it all. You want a full-body routine that has at least one exercise for your quads; your butt and hamstrings; chest, shoulders and triceps; back, biceps and grip; and core of course: abdominals and lower back. By doing compound movements that target multiple muscles at the same time, you can build a full body routine that uses only four or five exercises. I'll give you some printouts when we're done."

"Okay. The printouts will help me keep all the exercises straight?" KJ asks. "Remember them, I mean."

Logan bites at his lip while nodding. "Yup. So for quads you could do squats, lunges, one legged squats or box jumps. Butt and hamstrings, you can do deadlifts, hip raises, straight leg deadlifts, good mornings..."

"Good morning?" KJ asks, one eyebrow raised. "Don't know that one. Show me?"

"Sure." Logan nods. "Just remember, it's important to keep the movement slow, the form strict and the weight light," he says, picking up a barbell with a couple of light plates and resting it across the back of his shoulders. "Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart and the barbell on the back of your shoulders, not your neck. Keep upright, brace your core and pull your shoulders back. Take a breath and hinge forwards from your hips, not your waist, allowing a slight bend in your knees but keeping your back flat. Lean forwards until you feel a slight stretch in your hamstrings - but don't go beyond horizontal, then, as you exhale, reverse the move to stand up straight."

It's just a little too easy to watch Logan, the smooth lines of his body, the cut definition of his muscles. KJ's gaze lingers a moment too long before he snaps himself out of it and nods, reaching out to take the bar and repeat the exercise.

"Nice form," Logan says, nodding, although he steps behind KJ. "A little higher up with the barbell," he advises, helping the other man make the change. "See how much easier it is to stay straight?"

Jesus, now _that_ is distracting. KJ's pulse kicks into overdrive at the feel of Logan just behind him, like he could take the smallest of steps back and feel the ridge of the man's cock. "Yeah, that-- that makes sense," he murmurs, not entirely certain what the question was, but sure he wants to keep Logan's arms around him - well, sort of - if at all he can.

Clearing his throat, Logan takes a few steps back. "Okay. So chest, shoulders and triceps - you're likely doing all of this already but overhead press, bench press, incline dumbbell press, push ups and dips are good."

"Yeah." KJ nods. "I work on that at home, just body weight stuff. Can you check my form, though?" he asks, and settles onto a mat, one hand behind his back as he centers himself for a push-up.

"One-handed," Logan observes, his gaze flickering to KJ's ass. "I'm impressed."

"Oh, that's nothing," KJ says, although his cheeks color up. He lifts the leg opposite his raised hand and repeats the move.

"Nice," Logan drawls, although his eyes are still mostly on KJ's ass. Fantasizing about getting in there.

"Thanks. But am I balanced?" KJ kneels up and pretends it doesn't put him at eye-level with the ridge in Logan's shorts. Nope, he keeps his gaze fixed on the trainer's face. "Not too much to one side or the other?"

Fuck. Logan knows he's going to be fantasizing tonight about sliding a hand into KJ's hair and... yeah. "Perfectly balanced," he says, eyes hot on the other man. "Really impressive form."

Getting to his feet again, KJ brushes his hands off. And just for a second, he lets his gaze slide to Logan's mouth. "Do you want to teach me something?" he asks softly, daring to meet his eyes once more.

Arousal curling low in his groin, Logan decides to take a risk. "Are we still talking workouts?"

"We could be." KJ darts a quick glance around, but no one is paying them any attention. He leans back a little against the weight bench. "We don't have to be."

Logan smiles. "No?" Stepping in closer until they're almost touching. "I should do a more detailed examination of your form?"

Biting back a groan, KJ nods. "Yes, please. I want to make sure I'm as good as I can be."

Crowding in on KJ even more, Logan takes a quick glance around as well before cupping KJ through his shorts. "You feel good," he murmurs, his own cock kicking up at the feel of the other man.

KJ gasps and pushes into Logan's hand. He hesitantly lays a hand against the man's chest, and groans at the hard muscle beneath. "How do you want me?" he asks, growing breathless already.

"I want to fuck you," Logan murmurs, stroking KJ's cock more boldly. "Is that on the table?"

Swallowing a whimper, KJ nods. Then shakes his head. "Can I taste you first?" he asks, already stiff and straining.

Fuck yes. Logan nods too. "Out here or in the locker room?" he asks, kneading KJ's balls.

The whimper spills out this time; there's just no helping it. "Here," KJ whispers, knowing he'd never dare such a thing in another gym. But that's the point of fantasies, right? To do something that's ordinarily impossible.

If Logan was hard before...? "Go ahead," he says, voice thick with arousal, taking a step back and releasing his hold on KJ's groin. "Give me your mouth."

A soft sigh of wistful relief, and KJ gets on his knees. He presses his palm to the hard length of Logan, his mouth beginning to water. Tugging Logan's shorts down, he smiles in appreciation. Leans in and takes a long decadent taste.

"Oh god," Logan breathes, one hand on KJ's shoulder, resisting the urge to bury his hands in his lover's hair. "You are so fucking hot." Here, on his knees, in front of everyone. Christ.

KJ soaks up the praise, wondering whether they're being watched. And he finds he doesn't care: Logan insists they're safe here. And if anyone does watch, what will they see? That he belongs to Logan, and he's fucking proud of it.

Logan groans, head going back, hands finding their way into KJ's hair now, savouring the feel of his tongue on his cock. "More, fuck, suck me," he orders.

 _God, yes_. KJ opens wide and swallows Logan's cock, taking him as deep as he comfortably can. Pulling off and then sucking him in again, repeating the motion, his hands on Logan's hips to steady himself when his mind is spinning.

"Yeah, that's it," Logan urges, nodding, forcing his head back down, his gaze focusing on his boy, on his cock disappearing between KJ's lips over and over. Vaguely aware they're drawing a bit of an audience, although people are politely keeping their distance.

Easing off, KJ looks up, teeth gently resting against the head of Logan's cock. He flickers his tongue over the glans, then stands up. Strips out of his shorts.

Logan takes a good long look, drinking KJ in in all his glory. "Turn around and brace yourself," he orders, pulling both lube and condom from his pocket.

KJ swallows hard and obeys, leaning over to splay his hands against the weight bench. He feels exposed and only now truly becomes aware that they really have drawn an audience. He ducks his head and shuts his eyes, muscles strung taut.

Logan draws on the condom, slicks his fingers with lube and presses one inside KJ, his other hand on his boy's hip, reassuring and keeping him steady.

KJ whimpers at the first penetration, and his hands flex on the bench. He always wants this, wants more of Logan inside him, and he pushes out to show he's ready.

As eager as he is to be inside his boy, Logan still takes a minute to make sure KJ's prepped well before lining up and pushing inside, head popping through that first still-tight ring of muscle. "Oh, fuck," he breathes, hands sliding over KJ's back, hips, pulling him onto him.

Pain flares through KJ but it's gone in a second, replaced by an impossible fullness that feels so damn good. "Please," he whispers blindly, rocking back against Logan.

"Fuck, yeah," Logan nods, hands tight on KJ's hips, nails digging into his skin as he starts thrusting, long and hard and deep.

It's a good job they're only roleplaying, that this isn't a true random hook-up, because KJ can't even pretend to keep his cool. "Sir," he gasps, starting to beg with his body. Hitching his hips to move with Logan in a sublime rhythm. "Yes!"

"God, you're such a slut," Logan murmurs, keeping his voice low, his words for them alone. "So fucking eager... needing to be filled, your hole reamed open..." His thrusts picking up speed, strength.

KJ colors up at the words, because of course every one is true. He moans as Logan's cock slides over his prostate, and white-knuckles his grip on the bench. "Please," he gasps, feeling like if he doesn't get some contact on his cock he might die. "Please let me touch myself, sir."

"Do it," Logan nods, using everything he's got to hold back, so close he can taste it. "Come for me, boy," he orders, wanting to make sure KJ has permission, especially with all the eyes upon them.

Leaning on his forearm, KJ reaches down with his other hand and grasps his cock. Three swift strokes and he hurtles over the edge with a shout, his muscles quaking around Logan's cock.

That does it. Logan follows KJ over in an instant, flooding the latex between them, the barrier his only regret about doing this here. "Good boy," he praises, running his hands over KJ's hips.

KJ whimpers, uncertain what he's supposed to do now. Whether he's supposed to act like this was just a fuck, or whether he can turn and kiss Logan like they're not surrounded by strangers. "Sir?" he asks softly, feeling pinned.

"Hold on," Logan says, keeping the condom in place while he eases out, their audience slowly going back to their own activities. He discreetly disposes of the rubber and then helps KJ up from the weight bench, wrapping his arms around him and kissing him thoroughly.

KJ throws his arms around Logan's neck and holds him tightly, feeling strangely wrung-out. He kisses him back with a desperate edge of hunger, then buries his face in Logan's shoulder.

"We can check out one of the rooms, take a nap if you want," Logan offers, hugging KJ tight.

"Yes, please," KJ whispers, but it's another moment before he loosens his hold. He drags the borrowed shorts back up but keeps his gaze either on the floor or on his sir.

Logan takes KJ's hand and leads him back to the gym front desk where he gets a room key card from the guy and then detours to the locker room to pick up their clothes which he tucks under one arm. They'll leave the borrowed gym clothes in their room when they're done. Giving KJ's hand a squeeze, his lover awfully quiet, he heads for the elevators and presses the up button, pulling KJ in close while they wait. "You okay?"

"Yes." KJ presses his face to Logan's throat, breathing his lover in. "You're so amazing."

"Me?" Logan grins, hugging KJ even tighter. " _You're_ the amazing one."

That's baffling to KJ, but he's in no mental position to argue, still foggy from their scene. So he simply enjoys the embrace, soaking up touch until it's time to walk again. Their so-called room is an airy sunlit suite with a stunning view, but he's got eyes only for his lover.

"Clothes off," Logan orders but he's already undressing KJ. Kissing him softly. "Get in bed." His own clothes shed and a bottle of water pulled from the mini-fridge beside the bed. "Here," he says, cracking the water open and offering it to KJ. "Drink."

"I don't get dehydrated every time we have sex," KJ protests playfully, though he obediently drinks. The truth is he adores how Logan takes care of him, like he's something precious to him.

"I know you don't," Logan says with a smile. "But it's part of aftercare and me making sure you're okay."

KJ's smile might be just a little loopy. "I love you," he says softly. "You're so good to me." Setting the water on the bedside table, he reaches out.

Logan pulls KJ into his arms, kissing him again and again. "I love you," he says, just as softly. "And I'm exactly the way I should be. The way you deserve."  



End file.
